


Alternian Wildlife Books - The Perigeebeast or "Troll Santa", A Concise Guide To Wrigglers And Thinkpan Damaged Idiots

by Beekiller-Johanna (gojira86)



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Culture, Alien Flora & Fauna, Animals, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Tree, Gen, Monsters, Santa Claus - Freeform, Troll Culture, Yule, Zoology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-06
Updated: 2014-01-06
Packaged: 2018-01-07 17:07:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1122360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gojira86/pseuds/Beekiller-Johanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The trolls do not celebrate Christmas or decorate a tree with their absurd 'human parents'. They celebrate 12th Perigee's Eve and with their Lusus they decorate a behemoth dropping. Why? Troll Santa is why. Read this enlightening guide book to learn the secrets of the elusive Alternian Perigeebeast and why it loots troll hives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alternian Wildlife Books - The Perigeebeast or "Troll Santa", A Concise Guide To Wrigglers And Thinkpan Damaged Idiots

**Author's Note:**

> This is an introdution to my OC species Perigeebeast, the Troll Santa. The idea began to form when I read about troll holidays on MSPA wiki, and started wondering why instead of a Christmas tree, the Lusii bring in and decorate a behemoth dropping (in other words a huge pile of shit) for 12th Perigee's Eve... And my conclusion was: to scare away the huge red feathery gorilla monster with a fishtail and gills, that would otherwise break into the hive and steal stuff.  
> I had fun roleplaying the Perigeebeast on MSPARP during Christmas, so I made this guide so that others can either roleplay a Perigeebeast or maybe use the beast in their fanfics. Let me know if you do use it, I want to see what magnificent things you come up with. :)
> 
> I would be very grateful if someone could draw a Perigeebeast for illustration. I tried to Photoshop a free domain picture of a gorilla, but I couldn't get it right. :-/

**1 Definition and etymology**

 Perigeebeast is an amphibious semi-arboreal creature of Alternian wildlife that is most commonly seen only during its mating season, on or around 12th Perigee’s Eve. The common name Perigeebeast is derived from the creature’s scientific name, a 12th Perigee’s Eve’s semi-arboreal monkey-monster mimicking amphibious looter beast.

 

**2 Evolution and classification**

 Fossil evidence indicates, and genetic analysis confirms, that the Perigeebeast share a common evolutionary ancestor species with the modern Lusus Naturae. The fact that the entire Perigeebeast species retains functional amphibious characteristics suggests that the shared ancestor species was also amphibious, and the fully terrestrial Lusus Naturae varieties have lost their amphibious qualities later on in their evolution. While Perigeebeasts are placed under the classification Pseudo-Lusus based on their evolutionary past, they are not Lusus Naturae and do not visit the brooding caverns to collect a pupated wriggler freshly out of their trials to nurture.

 

**3 Physical characteristics**

 The creature is best known for the bright red mating plumage it has around 12th Perigee’s Eve. After mating season they molt their red plumage to reveal a dully coloured downy plumage beneath. As the scientific name suggests, outside mating season the Perigeebeast is often mistaken for a semi-arboreal monkey-monster because of their similar body shape and Perigeebeast’s camouflage, which varies from troll skin gray to dark brown and plain black, with gray being the most common.

 Outside mating season the best way to tell apart a semi-arboreal monkey-monster and a Perigeebeast is to look for the Perigeebeast’s fishtail, which is indicative of its amphibious nature. The Perigeebeasts also have gills, much like seadweller trolls, but their thick plumage hides their gills and thus the gills are usually visible only on diseased individuals that have lost their feathers.

 Unlike the subterranean Lusus Naturae, who are white due to not needing protection from the sun underground, the Perigeebeasts live their entire life above ground and have black skin like all other Alternian animals that are frequently exposed to sunlight. Perigeebeasts are usually seen underground only if they have gotten lost after escaping into a cave from predators. These unfortunate individuals die unless they find a way back to the surface. The Perigeebeasts have developed such powerful tolerance to sunlight that they become sick if not exposed to it every now and then. The reason for this sickness is unknown due to lack of research on the subject. The most common speculations suggest poisonous reaction to the black protective pigment, some sort of nutritional deficiency or inability to adjust their biological clock.

 On land the Perigeebeasts usually knuckle-walk but they are also known to walk bipedally when carrying things. They are adept climbers and young individuals are capable of arboreal locomotion, but once sexual maturity is reached the Perigeebeast becomes too heavy for most branches to be able to move straight from tree to tree. In water they propel themselves forward with their powerful fishtail. There appears to be regional variation in the levels of water salinity their gills tolerate ideally, but as a rule of thumb they can breathe any water safely for up to six hours.

 Perigeebeasts are fairly large, average individual standing on all fours can have a shoulder height equal to the height of an average adult troll. The larger individuals reach 1-3 feet higher at the shoulder. The smallest mature Perigeebeast measured was a rustblood, had a shoulder height slightly above the average height of a 6 sweep old troll.

 

**4 Behaviour and ecology**

4.1 Range and habitat

 Perigeebeasts are found everywhere on Alternia’s surface in a variety of habitats and elevations, but most populations prefer forests of any kind, where they have more places to hide from their natural predators, the behemoths. The presence of water also lures Perigeebeasts, but if there’s no place to build a nest hidden from predators, they are more likely to be nomadic or migrating individuals. Deserts and glaciers rarely have a permanent population, but can lure adventurous individuals during mating season. They also avoid places where bioluminescent bloodsucking parasites are common, because they are known to destroy Perigeebeast eggs.

 

4.2 Food and foraging

 The Perigeebeast is omnivorous and easily capable of surviving on a fully herbivorous diet. However, because gathering pelts is important to their mating ceremonies, hunting is a common activity and thus they tend to eat meat on a regular basis. They also scavenge on carcasses for both meat and pelts. They have been documented to eat rotten meat without adverse reactions, occasionally even from creatures that taste unpleasant when fresh. Consuming meat and high-calorie sweets goes up half a perigee before mating season and remains elevated until eggs are laid and brooding begins.

 

4.3 Social structure

 Perigeebeasts usually live in groups called packs, typically lead by a mature Perigeebeast known as Troll Santa and the rest of the pack is typically the Troll Santa immature genetic offspring. The pack leader is usually a dominant male. Smaller groups are sometimes accompanied by one or more of the dominant male’s previous season’s mates. If two Perigeebeast packs lead by a male Troll Santa meet, the Troll Santas will battle for dominance and the winner integrates the other male’s pack into his own. The integration decreases the chances of predation on the wrigglers.

 A Troll Santa leading an integrated pack is known as a Father Gristmas, and will show preference to his own offspring when it comes to nurturing and educating the wrigglers. A Troll Santa that has lost its group to integration is known as a Grinch. Groups that are lead by females tend to be smaller and are know for hiding among troops of monkey-monsters. Female lead groups are also more likely join forces with other packs without battling for dominance. Sometimes a female group will accept a Grinch as their new Troll Santa. If a pack is ruled by two or more peacefully co-existing dominant males, genetic analysis usually reveals them to be “brothers”, genetic offspring of the same Troll Santa.

 

4.4 Nesting

 Perigeebeast build only one permanent nest, called a Workshop. On ground it is usually located in some sort of hole, and up in the trees it is spread over several thick braches close to the tree trunk and has a roof and walls to protect from weather. Through the entire solar sweep this is the place where they prepare and store pelts they later use to craft a loot sack. After mating season the Workshop is also where they lay their eggs, brood, nurture and educate their newly hatched grubs, called Elflings.

 Perigeebeasts may also craft a temporary sleeping nest out of loose earth, braches, leaves and other plant material and whatever they find soft enough when outside their Workshop. The temporary nest typically looks like a quadrangle shaped bowl. An older or smarter individual can sometimes built a portable sleeping nest called a Sleigh. Sometimes an Arctic Pronghornbeast can be seen pulling a Perigeebeast’s Sleigh. This phenomenon, while confirmed as something that really happens, has thus far remained unexplained.

 

4.5 Reproduction and nurturing

4.5.1 Mating ceremony

 Upon mating season, on 12th Perigee’s Eve, a Perigeebeast break into troll hives to steal anything it can get its hands on and can fit in the sack it has crafted from the pelts of its prey during the previous sweep. Really anything that can go in the sack can be looted: electronics, toys, food, art, clothes, even furniture. The Perigeebeast uses the stolen loot to lure mates, and bigger loot sack means more and bigger loot. The loot is displayed on a mating arena, typically in a forest clearing, where the successful looters dance and show off around their carefully arranged loot.

 There are documented cases of the troll occupant of the hive being looted and displayed in the mating arena as a live trophy. The unfortunate wrigglers can leave the mating arena physically unharmed after the mating season is over if don’t fight back or attempt to escape. Psychological trauma may occur if they actually witness Perigeebeasts mating, which most healthy trolls find to be a repulsive sight because no pail is involved, though they apparently tend to hide out of sight during the actual copulation to avoid a last minute challenge by another male.

 Lusii bring in and decorate behemoth droppings in their hives, to scare away the Perigeebeast before it loots anything. Behemoths are their natural predators, and the shiny decorations simulate the bioluminescent bloodsucking parasites that eat their eggs. Upon detecting a decorated behemoth dropping in the hive it has broken into, the Perigeebeast will drop the sack of loot it has already gathered, and the troll gets to keep the contents of the sack. If the sack is empty, Perigeebeast flees with it and tries a different hive.

 The loot is collected from hives that for one reason or another don’t have a behemoth dropping. After mating displays are over, the Perigeebeast will abandon all loot in the mating arena and start crafting a new, hopefully bigger sack for next sweep’s mating season.

 After mating season they molt their red plumage to reveal a dull, usually gray downy plumage beneath. This colour helps them hide for the rest of the sweep while their young, are helpless. A new red mating coat starts to grow in two or three perigees before mating season, becoming visible roughly a perigee before 12th Perigee’s Eve.

 

4.5.2 Gender

 Perigeebeasts are biologically hermaphroditic, much like barnyard beasts. However, their gender expression appears to default to male, switching to female only if they fail to collect or loose their mating ceremony loot. Each mating season about 70% of Perigeebeasts ends up without loot and “switches” to female. The males display their loot to lure females. Females produce between 2-6 eggs which their chosen male fertilizes. Males only produce one egg, fertilized by the male who attracts the most females. This alpha male in turn has his egg fertilized by the second most successful male. If two male have attracted an equal amount of females they will battle for dominance. The victorious one gets to fertilize the alpha male’s egg.

 Perigeebeast mature slowly compared to other creatures of the same size, and reach sexual maturity at 5-6 sweeps of age with highbloods and individual hatched in a female’s pack maturing more slowly. Perigeebeasts stops growing once they reach sexual maturity, though their horns grow throughout their life.

 

 

4.5.3 Brooding and nurturing the young

 The eggs are laid 10-14 days after mating season is over, most commonly 13 days after. The females will give one of their 2-6 eggs to the male that fertilized them. The male lays only one egg and depending on the size of the harem he attracted on mating season, may receive up to 24 eggs from his mates. The Perigeebeasts then go their separate ways and brood alone. The male, having proven to be the best of them, will raise the largest clutch. If he fails to protect his offspring or dies, he still has a chance one of his females succeed. Vice versa, if the female loses her clutch or dies, she has a chance the male will succeed with the one egg she gave to him.

 As already stated, freshly hatched Perigeebeast grubs are called Elflings. They are small and weak, though shaped much like freshly pupated troll wrigglers, and depended on their Troll Santa and its Workshop for nutrition and protection. Perigeebeasts do not have a pupating stage, but when the Elflings are strong enough, around quarter a sweep after hatching, they become Elves and start venturing out with their Troll Santa. One sweep olds become Little Helpers and start learning the essential skills of a Perigeebeast: hunting, foraging, swimming, climbing, making tools, building nests (and eventually their own Workshops), gathering and storing pelts, crafting the pelts into a loot sack and caring for Elflings.

 At the age of 3 sweeps the Little Helpers reach Perigeebeast version of puperty and become Big Helpers, or Gristmas Gnomes. They grow a green juvenile mating coat, craft their own loot sacks and start breaking into troll hives. Because they are still immature and thus infertile, they do not loose anything if they fail to collect loot, or loose what they collected. They present their full loot sacks to their Troll Santa, who uses the loot in its own display. The Troll Santa benefits directly with extra chances to get loot and females, and the juveniles get valuable practise, and the indirect benefit of the Troll Santa spreading more of the same genes that it passed on to the Helpers.

 Sometimes Big Helpers move out and build their own Workshop before they are mature. This usually happens if the Troll Santa dies or if the pack becomes integrated to another.

 

 

4.6 Lifespan & bloodcastes

 The Perigeebeast display the full hemospectrum from rust to tyrian but their life spans are less variable than the ones that trolls have, with lowbloods usually living longer than trolls of the same caste. Oldest recorded (based on internal growth mark of their horns) rustblood Perigeebeast was a little over 50 sweeps old, with the average being 30-40. Blueblood trolls easily outlive a tyrian Perigeebeast, since the oldest one found was only a few sweeps over 500.

 Due to not having culling drones like civilized trolls, the Perigeebeasts have a prosperous lime blood caste, measuring about 11 % of the population. The green blood colours are more common than among trolls. Also, for unknown reasons roughly 1 in a little more than 4 million individuals has a mutated bloodcolour. These anomalies rarely show up again once the mutated individual is dead, but there is an academically interesting exception to this rule.

 Approximately 111 sweeps before the publication of this text a red blood mutation showed up in the population, precisely the candy red of their mating coat’s red. It was assumed the bright red would disappear soon like other blood mutations but over sweeps the colour began to show up increasingly often. The candy red blood must have been some sort of evolutionary advantage because nowadays a jaw dropping amount, 6,12 %, of the Perigeebeast population has  it. Not only that, but the number keeps growing. One might say that it is an entirely new bloodcaste unique to the Perigeebeasts. Their lifespan is unknown. The oldest candy red Perigeebeast caught was a little less than 30 sweeps old and showed no signs of suffering from old age. Most caught samples have been 15-25 sweeps old and in good health. The emergence of the candy red blood has lowered the percentage of all other castes but blue and brown bloods have declined the most.

 

 

4.7 Communication

 Depending on the area and the researcher’s definition of what are different sounds, the Perigeebeasts use 20-30 unique vocalizations. They can be roughly grouped into barks and grunts used for conveying information about location and directions, some of them are also used for discipline. Warnings and alarms are typically screams and roars, and some research indicates that screams and roars have a different kind of emotional dynamics. Screams tend to send the whole pack running away, while roars are followed by the roaring individual and sometimes a few other Perigeebeasts charging the perceived danger while the rest of the pack escape. Contentment is expressed with rumbles and sometimes the same hums that are used to soothe upset Elflings.

 Gestures and body language are also used for communication, majority of the gestures and poses are common to the entire species and some are even shared with trolls. The local variations in physical methods of communication are uncommon and tend to show up in particularly isolated populations.

 

**5 Intelligence**

 Perigeebeasts on average have the intelligence and problem solving skills of a 2 sweeps old troll wriggler, some of the smarter and older ones can even reach the level of a 3 sweep old. They can learn to understand a certain amount of any spoken troll language they hear even in the wild. Their vocalization organs are not suited for speech, but because of their very troll like hands they can learn sign language. Some captive individuals have successfully been taught to understand and use up to 200 words Alternian Sign Language. There is no question within the scientific community about Perigeebeasts being intelligent, sentient animals. Some even argue that they could be classified as semi-sapient because of how advanced their language comprehension is and it has been suggested that trolls gifted with the ability to commune with animals should be assigned to aid teams researching this possibility.

 

5.1 Tool use

 Wild Perigeebeasts skin animals and prepare, store and craft the pelts into the loot sack they use on 12th Perigee’s Eve. They craft the tools used for these task themselves and teach the skills to their offspring. Tame or captive Perigeebeasts have been taught to operate regular hivehold machinery and troll manufactured tools.

 

**6 Interactions with trolls**

 During their mating season Perigeebeasts for some reason do not harm trolls in ‘unprotected’ hives unless they attempt to interfere with their looting. This behaviour may have something to do with their Pseudo-Lusus classification. It is possible to tame a Perigeebeast or to even become adopted by one. Unlike real Lusii, Perigeebeasts do not appear to have any preferences to a troll’s blood caste. There is no researched guide on how to tame or become adopted by a Perigeebeast but stories by trolls who have achieved one of the two bizarre relationships with this majestic beast have several recurring elements.

 Taming stories usually involve the troll, typically with out a decorated behemoth dropping in their hive, voluntarily offering items and food to the Perigeebeast to avoid having their more valuable belongings looted. Colourful and shiny objects are especially pleasing to the Perigeebeast, and they prefer the red of their mating coat over others when choosing loot. Objects than make noise, such as jingle bells or rattlers are also coveted. Out of foods offered to them, they enjoy meat in general but they love sweets of any kind. They adore above all 12th Perigee’s Eve’s ginger-spiced celebratory treats, and almost half of the taming stories involve the Perigeebeast being offered this highly coveted delicacy. Other things that are common in taming stories is being calm and polite, talking nicely to the beast. About 5% of taming stories involve a troll with some level of animal empathy. If physical contact is initiated by the beast the best course of action is to return it gently. A Perigeebeast that is ready to be tamed will attempt to beg for food or physical contact such as petting or rubbing. Tamed Perigeebeasts will answer to a name given to them.

 Adoption stories can sometimes (but not always) begin in a similar manner as taming, namely with voluntary offerings that please the Perigeebeast. The difference is that sometimes (about 11% of the time) the troll is one of the things the Perigeebeast would have liked to loot. Even if the beast had no desire to loot the troll at any point, it won’t adopt the troll unless it finds the troll adorable enough. Younger trolls are more likely to be adopted because they physically resemble Perigeebeast Elflings more than mature trolls do. The oldest troll known to be adopted was 11 sweeps old, a particularly short Jade blood with short Elf-like horns. Like a Lusus Naturae, the Perigeebeast bonds to their adopted troll for life, though unlike a Lusus, the Perigeebeast may adopt more than one troll.

 The adoption stories differ from taming ones in other aspects as well. There is a clear order of progression in the actions of a Perigeebeast that might adopt a troll. The beast might start following verbal guidance and even orders during any of these stages if it finds a sufficient reason to. First the Perigeebeast will pick up the troll and cradle it like an Elfling. The next stage it starts grooming the troll. If after these two getting-to-know stages it finds the troll endearing enough, it will offer food to the troll. If the food is accepted and eaten, the Perigeebeast’s fourth and final stage of adoption can happen.

 The final stage is different from other stages of adoption, because while the Perigeebeast initiates three first stages, fourth one is ‘triggered’ by the troll’s behaviour. If the troll for any reason becomes upset enough in the Perigeebeast’s vicinity, it will attempt to calm down the troll with a combination of physical contact (usually hugs) and the same hum it uses for soothing its Elflings. If the physical contact is returned and some sort of appreciative noise is made (preferably the same hum the Perigeebeast used, but purrs, sighs and laughs are also known to have worked) the Perigeebeast will adopt the troll.

 It then lets the troll know of the adoption through the same kind of latent psychic message that Lusus Naturae use to let their chosen wriggler know which Lusus to follow out of the brooding caverns. This is the Perigeebeast’s only confirmed psychic ability. The Perigeebeast may be assigned a Lusus-title by the adopted troll, which it will then answer to. The Perigeebeast can be tamed by one troll and it may yet adopt one or more other trolls. In addition to receiving a name from its tamer, each adopted troll can use a different Lusus-title with the Perigeebeast and it will answer to each name or Lusus-title it has been given.

 

6.1 Studies & genome sequencing

 Ever since the majority of adults were moved off-world, research on wild Perigeebeasts has been limited to what sub-adult students of biology conduct to complete their mandatory field observation course of their schoolfeeding. Sadly few such students pick the hard to find Perigeebeast as the subject of their thesis. Research off-world is limited to captive individuals and tends to concentrate of language skills, animal psychology and representations in troll culture.

  The genome of Perigeebeasts was sequenced 30 sweeps ago and confirmed they shared evolutionary history with the Lusus Naturae. However it also revealed that while they have the same bloodcolours as trolls and Lusus Naturae, their bloodcolours are determined by entire different set of genes. This does give reason to believe that the fairly recent emergence of their new candy red mutant bloodcaste won’t happen in trolls or Lusus Naturae.

 

6.2 Cultural references

 Because they are usually seen only near their mating season, they are best known for and usually depicted in their red mating coat. Their abandoned mating loot both in troll hives and on mating arenas is legally treated on a ‘first-come, first-served’ basis, anyone discovering it is free to take anything they can carry. According to Her Imperious Condescension’s autobiography this was an established way of celebrating 12th Perigee’s Eve already during her wrigglerhood. While her autobiography does not explicitly state it, some suspect that she has not changed these laws due to wrigglerhood nostalgia.

 Sometimes the creature is depicted as having magical or mythical powers, such as the ability to grant wishes or make “12th Perigee’s Eve miracles”.

 

**7 Sources & further reading**

Alternian Wildlife Books – The Anthology Of Mythical Beast And Their Real World Origins

Encyclopaedia Alternia, P-tome: Keywords Perigeebeast, Pseudo-Lusus

The Truth About Troll Santa, Or Why Your Lusus Insists On Decorating A Stinking Turd

Trollpedia – Perigeebeast (Troll Santa)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. :)


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